Apra-IL recognizes and acknowledges the heaviness and anxiety that many are experiencing due to the pandemic, and is starting this new series entitled, The Prospect Development Professional’s Haven, as a calming and reflective safe space. We are providing a space for you to anonymously share questions and reflections during these difficult times, pertaining to your work and role because many can relate. In times like this, you have to know that you are never alone.

Disclaimer: The Apra-IL writer is not a licensed therapist or counselor, therefore, please seek professional guidance beyond this series.

Question: My development team has been having a lot of conversations around race, equity, and inclusivity. I’ve enjoyed a lot of these conversations but I’ve noticed that there are coworkers who are not really listening. And based on everything going in the world I think us, self-proclaimed allies and leaders, need to listen. 

Can you guide me on how to have a conversation with my coworkers around listening?

An Answer: Recognizing the importance of listening, especially in these tough times, is really amazing. And wanting to point it out and start a conversation around it with Apra-IL readers, and your coworkers is important and brave. So, first, we must thank you for bringing it to the forefront.

Now, listening is simple because we all hear things, but effective listening is transformative. And I believe that is what you feel like your coworkers aren’t experiencing. Transformative listening happens when you hear something, reflect, ask corresponding questions, build on the topic, participate in being fully present (mind, body, and soul), and acknowledge the truths (whether you agree with them or not). 

The conversations that your team is having around race, equity, and inclusivity is not something everyone can handle, even allies. This is why it’s also important because it’s uncomfortable, it means one must question their ethics and internalized racism, and it also requires a lot of learning, unlearning and specifically listening. No one wants to listen to what makes them wiggle in their seats or fidget, no one wants to be uncomfortable. But people should listen to what can make them become better, and the best way to do that is to commit to the process – commit to opening up (breathe in deeply, exhale to relax the shoulders) and say yes to transformative listening. 

Share this with your coworkers privately over a virtual tea/coffee chat, and see if they’re ready to transform with you. 

Thank you for sharing your valid feelings with The Prospect Development Professional’s Haven.

If you want to share a question or reflection at The Prospect Development Professional’s Haven, please email us at apraillinois@gmail.com